along the journey

showing blogging

g

Testing Semagic
Testing silly stuff for Amy.

Loneliness is certainly something I can’t ever recall actively thinking about, consuming me… until this weekend. When I was travelling last fall, I was travelling to Ohio, getting to spend time with my family who I hadn’t really spent much time with for about 6 years…. it was enjoyable and filled with lots of time where I was looking for houses and dealing with moving and working late… and frequently was able to be home on most weekends… as they say, home is where your heart is… and my home then, was both in Baltimore and Ohio.

This weekend I’m doing the opposite… thus, travelling to Baltimore, from Ohio. But my heart, it’s not here anymore. There’s work here, and I get a phat per-diem…. but that’s just food. Food is not the way to my heart… and even it was, that still doesn’t get me home…. which is where my heart is. So silly.

I spent much of my day today driving around, thinking about the folks that I could call and hang out with. None of them really were available, none that I cared to call… except for my Mother in Law. I called her as I was cresting the top of the Beltway…. with no particular destination, asked her if she wanted to have lunch and almost canceled it when she told me it’d be 45 minutes before we could meet…. when I told her we’d meet some other time this week, that I was hungry and couldn’t wait another 45 minutes, she convinced me that she could meet me in 20. And it was about 20, and we had lunch and talked about stuff. It was really very nice.

I came back to the hotel read some of Speaker for the Dead, the sequel to Enders Game (which I finished in 3 days and was a fantastic book), and fell asleep for a short nap. After which I headed out and had dinner alone, again. Last night it was Cazbar, where I had the Mixed Grill…. Tonight it was Sushi at XS. I sat alone and contemplated, realized that I’ve never really felt alone, and I’m grateful for that.

I love my wife and children, they really are my life, my everything, as cliche as it sounds it’s really so true, if you asked me to add more, or explain I’m not sure I’d have the words… but I miss them. I’m alone tonight again, but not quite lonely… I’ll end the night talking to my sweet wife, who has been dealing with sick kids, vomit, bloody noses, poopy diapers… and longing to be alone. To get the time to herself. One day I’ll figure out how to give it to her. I know it would mean the world to her. One day.

:-) I miss my boys and my wife. Amy said update your blog, if anything for Caleb, so he can see something that you wrote.

Caleb, I love you and miss you and will be home before next weekend. I’m excited to find out more about Cub Scouts. Remember this morning when we talked and I told you about the Renaissance Festival? I found some pictures of it. Here’s one of them…

It’s a picture of King Henry VIII, and his new Queen, Anna of Cleves…

This Flickr Set really has some good pictures of it… We’re gonna try and go to one in Ohio this year…

Well Love you, give hugs and kisses for me.

Here’s a video of Brandon Heath introducing his song, I’m not who I was. This song has played many times this weekend…and it rings true. At the end he mentions the most important line in the song, one which stood out to me as I heard him sing it live to the Air 1 folks….. The most amazing thing about amazing grace, is the chance to give it out. I hope that I’m able to be gracious, to my family, friends, co-workers, strangers and enemies.

zekesdadistheman

Originally uploaded by Amy McKenzie.

It’s been a few weeks….. I was hoping to keep up with the blogging. But I just don’t feel it. But here’s a picture I saw while cruising Amy’s Flickr Stream…… that’s my boy!

I feel like a ‘tard.

So we’re on vacation. I got to work from the Baltimore office on Monday and Tuesday, mostly so I didn’t have to take 6 vacation days, but partly so I could re-connect with friends. I’ve been gone for 3 months, and was travelling for 3 months prior to actually moving, so in the last 6 months, lot’s has changed.

We’re staying with friends, and 3 of the 6 kids are sleeping. Today is the first day I’ve been able to relax.  It’s not quite easy with 6 kids, but it’s happening.  Sleeping pills helps…. did I say that out loud?

In response to a homework assignement from this class we’re taking at church, we were asked to write about our dream, if money and time were not a factor, what would we be doing…these are a few sentences that I wrote. I feel like there should be more…but I couldn’t come up with anything.
One of the most fantastic times of my life was the day that Katrina made landfall and the 6 immediately following. Those 7 days literally lived on in my dreams for almost a year. There was not a week that went by that I did not dream of being there, serving, loving, caring for folks. People that didn’t have any one else meeting that need. Literal blood, sweat and tears were shed, but I can’t imagine not serving.

We talked about it last night as well, and it seemed that everyone was mostly content to talk about my dream, I think so they didn’t much have to share theirs. I just feel that mine is not big enough, or not complete. The speaker last night mentioned that she was given chunks of her dreams at a time…. because she knows that if she was given her dream flat out, that she’d be ahead of the curve, doing it on her own, not relying and not trusting in the Dream-giver, maybe that’s why I feel like mine is incomplete.